Being ghosted

Being ghosted

by L

Ahhh delightful subject. I never really was a fan of Casper the friendly ghost and I am not too keen on (insert name of choice) the unfriendly ghoster either. Now this is not specific to being a twenty something year old. We have all experienced being ghosted at some stage of our lives. If you haven’t then tell me your secret plz.

Ghosting (def): the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Ok, so I am not sure when ghosting became a ‘thing’ but it seems to happen more and more now days. Perhaps because it is so easy to do with all these dating apps and social media. You can quite simply just disappear now with no explanation.

I think ghosting can only be considered ghosting if you have met the person, or have/had a bond with said person. Someone not replying to your witty tinder one liner does not quite count as ghosting. Even if it is a dent to the comedian inside of your ego.

It is one of the worst feelings, I have been ghosted a few times and it hurts in a different kind of way. It leaves you questioning EVERYTHING. Asking yourself so many questions. Why did they do that? Was it something I did? Was I just not good enough? Did I mean that little to them? So many things fly through your mind. I want to touch upon the ‘did I mean that little to them’ one. As this is one that I always think about. To not even be given an explanation as to why they want to stop talking or end things is so belittling. It makes you think omg why have I put so much energy into this person, who cannot even be bothered to let me know things are done and tell me why.

But heres the reality and here is a pre warning: I am about to get a lil sassy...

These ‘ghosts’ are just cowards, they do not have the courage to give a simple explanation as to why they want to call things off. They decide that it is far easier to just disappear, not even giving second thought to your feelings. Extremely cowardly and selfish behaviour. Let’s be real, would we want someone with those traits in our lives anyway? HELL NO!

Enough about them and more about us. We must accept that it happened, we live and we learn (then write a blog post about it). It is easy to sit and think ‘what did I do wrong’ but let’s get real. It is nothing to do with us and all to do with the other person (unless of course you ran their dog over or something then I guess you kinda deserve the ghosting). But the key here is to just think it is a lucky escape and you will find someone SO much better than that. You are a sassy, strong person who has no time for this kind of stuff.

Sometimes we have to just give ourselves closure when the other person fails to do so. It is tough but it happens, take some time to yourself and just remember YOU are worth more and it was probably nothing you did. Best thing to do is just avoid avidly insta stalking, delete all messsages from them and good god if they slither back into your DM’s then IGNORE. (Unless of course they have a fab excuse for ghosting.)

Fab excuses:

  • They were busy ending world hunger
  • They were clearing ALL the plastic from the ocean
  • They were out feeding all the stray dogs and cats
  • They were lost on a desert island with no phone (still could send a message in a bottle though)

Yano something along those lines…

Better people are coming, be patient my friends.

L x

27 thoughts on “Being ghosted”

  1. Ive seen and heard this and had friends that have experienced it…i have also done this…i dated a very abusive man that left me in the high mountains of Utah and took every thing from me 6 mo after I lost my 24 year old son..two hours after he left me he wanted once again to repair it..after so many times of this I kept trying to figure out a solution..there was non as I was losing myself to his destructive ways…so one day I stopped…there was no way to do it differently I tried for years…i had a counselor for abuse tell me the only difference between him and her prisoner men was mine hadn’t been caught…i had no way out but …out! It took a year of hiding and healing before I didn’t want to reach out and knew I made the best choice….there is a place for ghosting that is necessary and there is a destructive use for it I see with people that just don’t want to use their voice to make closure…its as if communication is lost in a world its too easy to move on in..im sorry its happened to you.

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    1. My goodness that is horrendous, so sorry that you had to experience something like that! I completely agree in some circumstances just disappearing is completely necessary, especially in a situation like yours. I feel sadly these days it is something people do just to avoid having to let someone down rather than in an extreme circumstance, it is just the ‘norm’ for people to just drop people with no explanation. Dating in general though is just a whole whirlwind of confusion anyway to be honest haha! Thank you for reading the post and sharing your story x

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    2. Haha! I love your post! More needs to be said about ghosting. It’s an injustice and I must say I’d rather be ghosted online/via text than in person.

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  3. I absolutely LOVED this post and your take on it. And those fab excuses totally gave me the laugh and smile that I needed. So thank you, my friend!! Well done! A beautiful read! Xx

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    1. Ahhhh I am so glad to hear it 😀 Hahaha I felt it was all getting a bit sassy so needed a humour interlude! Ahhh you are so welcome, thank you for taking the time to read it! xxx

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  5. Things like that leave you questioning. We were a group of friends in high school and as soon as we started with university one of our friends just started ti pull away, never had time, even with some of the friends that were studying in teh same city as here to meet. Slowly we just stopped asking her out, because we felt like we are pushing and now no one knows anything about her. Its sad that we lost contact but at some point you just stop trying.

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  6. People’s actions say more about them than it does about you, and it’s the same with ghosting. I agree, that is so cowardly, I’ve had people who would have been good friends do it and ignore me asking why (and if they were angry at me I’d like to have been told what I did so I could apologise, and learn from it) but you’re right, we’re better off without people who can’t communicate

    Ash | thisdreamsalive.wordpress

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    1. 100%! It is so sad that people see that kind of behaviour as ‘acceptable’ these days. Communication is key even in a world of technology. We are so much better than those kind of people so really it is there loss.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my post! L x

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  7. This was fun but real to read, “busy ending world hunger” really made me chuckle! I have been ghosted before (a friend: it was somehow worse than if it were romantically!?) and it truly is awful, good for you getting sassy, you spoke the truth on the matter! I look forward to reading more from you 🙂

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    1. Ahhh thanks so much! Ahaha I am glad, got to be straight up about the valid reasons.
      Ahhh that is awful, how can people think it is acceptable to do that?! The sass just came out the more I wrote, started reliving the ghosting all over again pahaha.
      Thanks so much, really appreciate your comment 🙂 L x

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  8. If you haven’t done already, I highly recommend following Awards for Good Boys on Instagram. Shelby Lorman is a comedian/artist and has the best account that has a whole section on ghosting. It’s not a fun thing to experience but this account helps you see that you’re not alone (and how crazy the excuses can be).

    Thanks for sharing — you’re most definitely not alone (if that helps at all).

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  9. I try my best to not ghost people these days. If I have an issue with someone, I either let them know or have a conversation that doesn’t leave them hanging. We are definitely better off not doing all the drama and stalk sometimes!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

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  11. I have ghosted after one meet up which isn’t the best way to handle it, but I would never string someone along and then ignore them unless they weren’t taking the more subtle hints. I have also been ghosted but felt more relief than hurt. So my experiences with ghosting have all worked out for me. But I would rather be ghosted than insulted or stalked. And like you said, it’s such an easy route to take.

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  12. Pingback: Dating in your twenties – The Life of a Twenty Something Year Old

  13. I hate the fact that this has become part of our culture; everyone is deemed “disposable”. I’ve had it happen to me and it’s awful – I’d much rather someone be completely upfront about it. It’s much more respectable. People are idiots! X

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