Help! Apparently I am an adult?!

Help! Apparently I am an adult?!

Urm so apparently I am an adult now, I mean I have been for a few years, but still? What does ‘adulting’ really mean? I am the age of an adult, but am I really one?! Don’t worry, this whole post is not going to be me just having a breakdown and asking lot’s of questions about life. Although there might be some of that thrown in for good measure.

I know certainly for me and my friends, who are all now mid/late twenties, we are all a bit confused about where exactly we should be as ‘adults’. It is a massive topic of conversation among 20 somethings, and rightfully so, these are important years for us all. Panic mode sets in and we all start comparing ourselves to anyone and everyone of a similar age.

Generations in the past would have 3 kids, a house and a husband/wife by 25. Whereas I am here at 25; no house, no kids, no husband. All I seem to own is a wicked skincare routine and a smashing wardrobe of clothes and shoes. Generation norms change all the time, for us 20 somethings it is perfectly normal to have none of those things and still be out enjoying life to the fullest. Phew.

So this brings me onto the big Q – What is an adult? How do you become an adult? Like my friend defrosted her freezer successfully the other day…is she now a fully fledged adult??? I didn’t get ID’d the other day (which broke my heart), is that because I am just exuding adult vibez? Or are my forehead wrinkles giving the game away?

I took to the age old tool of Google Definitions to answer my question:

Adult (noun): a person who is fully grown or developed.

Okay wicked, I am both fully grown and developed so am deffo an adult. But what about adulting, what is that???

Adulting (verb): the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.

Cool, so my pal defrosting her freezer is deffo adulting. She will be really glad to hear that. I do mundane tasks loads, only yesterday I hoovered the house – pow adulting.

The point of this post is not to show you how to use google to find out word definitions, but to show that being an adult is a very broad + a bit of a boring term. The important thing though is, us 20 somethings are adults and we are all adulting and living our lives in our own way. We are all different people, we all have our own timelines, we all have different desires in life. So naturally, our paths are going to be very different. Kelly from Uni owns her own house now, Toby from School now has two children, Maisy, friend of the fam, has started uni at 24, Mark has just come back from travelling and is now a bit lost on what to do next. All very different situations, none are failing at life because they don’t have what the others have.

I used to be OBSESSED with my age and felt like I had to accomplish so much each year. But actually I am far more relaxed now and am happy going at my own pace and I realise I don’t want the same things my friends want, so it is okay that my journey is different.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where I am like oh ma gaaaaaaad I am nearly 26, I need a house, husband and dog – help me plz, but I have a coffee and all is well again and realise I don’t want any of that anytime soon (except the dog).

The house thing is actually a big one while I am here, for ages I was panicking about needing to get money together to buy a house because all my pals and their partners were saving for that. I didn’t actually want to buy a house yet as I wanted to rent in London for a while, but I suddenly ignored what I wanted and felt these unnecessary pressures from myself. I was always thinking well I am the same age so I should be growing up and wanting the same things, I questioned myself a lot on why I did not want the same stuff, eventually I realised that I was happy for my pals and the next stage of their lives but I was not there yet and that’s when I started to realise we all just have our own paths, I felt at peace with that.

We live in a society where it is normal to compare and criticise. But please don’t be hard on yourself. Enjoy these years, do things at your own pace, be happy for others achievements, don’t let it stress you out. You are still 20 something, there are so many years ahead for us to achieve what we want at our own pace.

What is something you are proud of yourself for?

L x

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The Power of Being Single

The Power of Being Single

People (myself included sometimes) put such a negative spin on being single. Just feels like the ‘done’ thing doesn’t it?

It is rare that I see people discuss the power of being single. Because in all honesty staying single, not settling for anyone not worth my time nor effort has had a wickedly powerful impact on me, and my life.

I have found mad love and respect for myself in my years single. As discussed in a blog post before (Being single in your twenties) I didn’t have a good past relationship. I came away broken, hating that I let a person have that effect on me, but that happens sometimes. It is all part of the process we call life.

I needed time to heal. Alone. I needed time to deal with it all, to fully piece myself back together. I sort of resembled one of those mad 1000 piece jigsaws your Gran has, that takes an absolute AGE to sort.

I spent a solid 2 years working really hard to be who I was before the relationship. In that time I realised that I didn’t need to be that person anymore. This was my opportunity to become a new version of myself, a better, stronger one. Once I unlocked this gem, that is when the power happened, and my god it felt good.

There is SO much power to being on your own and embracing it! I have done so many amazing things on my own and loved it! I have taken myself on holiday, moved to a new city alone, started my career. Even right now I am sat on my own in a coffee shop writing this, years ago sitting in a coffee shop alone would have been my idea of hell. Now I really love sitting on my own, drinking coffee and watching the world go by. (Disclaimer I wrote this on paper before typing it up – pre covid obv.)

Perks of single life:

  • I look after myself and control my own emotions
  • Just have to think of me
  • My career can come first
  • I can enjoy all my passions and not worry about it taking up time that should be spent with another
  • Can not shave my legs for like 3 weeks
  • Flirting (I mean I am bad at it, but drunk I really like to pretend i’m good at it)
  • So many activities and adventures with your mates
  • I do not have to share a bed when it is the deep depths of hellish warm weather (also known as summer)
  • I can have first/only choice of what Netlix series to binge on
  • And many moreeeeeeeee things

Now don’t get me wrong I am very aware you can do all those when in a relationship too but this, this post is for the strong, powerful singletons, so take it with a pinch of salt.

I really hate it when people play the ‘ahhh how are you still single?!’ card. Like yes I know they are being nice and all that but to me that question feels more like a ‘how come you have not found anyone yet’. I also feel people are shocked/don’t believe you when you say you are single by choice. Why is that such a shocking thing? Why is it surprising for someone to want to just date themselves for a while?

Dolly Alderton wrote in her book ‘Everything I know About Love‘ something that spoke to me A LOT:
‘I don’t need any words or looks or comments from a man to believe I’m visible; to believe I’m here. (…) That’s not where I come alive. Because I am enough. My heart is enough. The stories and the sentences twisting around my mind are enough.’

The minute you realise you are enough, is a massively monumental moment, one that will change your perspective on things in every aspect of your life. For the better.

Final thoughts from me:

There is a real power and joy to being single in these really poignant years. Accept it, embrace it and enjoy it! These years are made for mess, play, failure. And when you do leave the single market make sure you look back and know you made the most of those years and are the best version of yourself and ready to share life with another without losing yourself.

What is your favourite thing about being single?

L x

A letter to my 21 year old self

A letter to my 21 year old self

Ok, so this one has taken me a little while to think of what I would say to 21 year old me; other than it will be ok. BUT alas I have thought of some things, otherwise this would have been a very short and boring post.

Just a little context to where I was in my life at 21: I was in my final year of university; I was worried about my next steps; I was not in a great space mental health wise; I was in a relationship.

1. Finishing uni
First thing I would say is, that yes finishing uni was super sad, super scary and a really anxious time. However, the friends made will stay with you forever and will continue to be such amazing friends, that will be there every step of the way. Ledge heads the lot of them. Yes, you will lose contact with a few but it’s ok because the main ones are still there and you will continue to get messy with them very regularly. Not only that, the feeling of achievement after finishing is amazing. Also, don’t worry, things post uni will all fall into place. Oh and also your liver is like mega grateful that you are no longer drinking 2 pound bottles of wine 4/5 times a week.

2. Image
This was a big one for me back then and still is but not as much. A message to 21 year old me would be ‘stop worrying SO much, people don’t actually care as much as you think’. I was obsessed with my image and more to the point I was obsessed with my own self loathing of my image. I would tell myself to be kinder to me, I really needed to accept and love myself more. The thing I now realise is that if you self loathe and do nothing about it then you are in a horribly viscous cycle. I would tell myself to use my gym membership that I had and used perhaps once a month (lol) and go and get fit and healthy for my own sake. God knows the gym is my happy place now (after I have had a lil strop about not waking up looking like a Victoria’s Secret Model EVEN THOUGH I worked out for 1 hour). I would love to give 21 year old me a hug and say u r well wikid, do not base who you are by how you see yourself in the mirror.

3. Love
My biggest message here would be ‘love yourself enough to respect yourself’. I was in an extremely toxic relationship where I was really manipulated and all areas of my life suffered. It all ended in a horrible way and my biggest regret from the whole thing is that, even though I knew I was not being treated right, I did not respect myself enough to walk away. I believed if I did I would never find anybody again and be alone forever. But I needed to love myself and understand that actually, that was enough. I have spent 4 years on my own to fully heal from that relationship and am so glad I did. I feel now I am in a place where I like myself, I respect myself and I look after myself physically and mentally. Now, life is not solely about having a boyfriend, it is about enjoying life with my family and friends and most importantly myself. I wish nothing more than to tell 21 year old me that that would happen one day.

4. Mental health
Times were really hard at this age, it was my hardest time in terms of mental health. I suffered with depression and anxiety quite badly. I would go back and tell myself ‘you got this gal, you can do this, things all work out and you have the power and strength to not only get out of this hole but to do a complete 180 on it all and become a super positive, growth mindset gal. What a bloody (modest) ledge you will be, just keep going and make those changes day by day and be kind to yourself. Time genuinely is the best healer. Oh and also, you are a good person and as life goes on you will realise that.’

5. Other
Just like random things I would say are: ‘enjoy every moment, appreciate those around you, appreciate yourself, learn from mistakes, respect yo’self, go after your dreams, always trust your gut, do not be scared to do things alone, try everything (within context obv).’

And no sorry to ruin your day 21 year old me, but you are still not married to Leonardo DiCaprio…yet.

Oh and something massive I would tell myself; is to not base my timeline on others! Everyone goes at their own pace and life happens on diff timelines for everyone. So don’t stress about that. Sometimes in your twenties everything starts to feel like a ticking timebomb to achieve everything you have ever wanted. But yano, I have heard 30 something year olds still have a life too?! Who would have thought it?!

My twenties so far have been a mad rollercoaster ride and I am so grateful for all I have learnt in those years and how much stronger, independent and passionate about life I have become. I look forward to the many more lessons and experiences I will be sure to learn in the next 5 years of my twenties.

Got a bit deep there, 21 year old me would probs be like ‘jeeez 25 year old me is a bit preachy but would be gr8 for a drunk deep and meaningful’. It is true I am fab for a DMC… Anyway, what would you tell your 21 year old self?

L x

Staying Positive in Uncertain Times

Staying Positive in Uncertain Times

So it seems we have entered an unwanted episode of Black Mirror this year. What is that all about 2020?! Pretty sure none of us wished for this when the clock struck midnight on NYE! Now, fear not, this post is not going to go on about Coronavirus, as I think it is safe to say many of us (me) are sick of hearing about the crippling effect it is having on our world. That sentence in itself was enough – but alas I am off track already. No, this post is going to discuss the positive things happening currently and ways to stay positive in times of uncertainty. Which is a hard thing to do, but it is possible.

What is happening in the world we live in is like nothing any of us have ever experienced before, it is a crazy, uncertain time. However, the power within that, is that we are all experiencing this together, we have eachother. None of us are experts on this, not even Karen in your Mum’s whatsapp group, we all are going through this as a community of people.

Seeing the love and compassion amongst so many has truly overwhelmed me. Only today I was looking out my window, as my neighbour was chatting through the window to an elderly neighbour, whilst dropping shopping off to him. Alongside that, seeing my whole street come out their houses on Thursday to cheer and celebrate the NHS staff truly made my heart feel so full. Never in my life have I been a part of something so full of love, pride and celebration amongst people I did not know. In that moment it felt like we were all old friends, celebrating an event together, it really did take my breath away.

Technology has been another incredible tool in this time, without it so many of us would have probably felt far more lost and alone. Due to the wonderful internet people are connecting with others around the world, some with family, some with strangers over a shared vision of wanting to just be kind to eachother. I am so grateful that we are able to facetime my Gran and see her face even when far away, I know it helps her not feel so alone too. Seeing everyone share videos and photos of the random ways they are entertaining themselves in Lockdown has been great to see aswell.

People are using this time to be creative. People are finally pausing from their hectic lives. People are learning new skills. People are getting round to jobs on their to do lists (aka me and everything on my to do list for the past year). People are appreciating life more. What a powerful time.

Families are bonding more whether that be in the home or over Facetime or house party (my new fave app), old friends are finally having time to catch up, I just think as awful and uncertain things are right now, there are some really beautiful things happening too.

I for one am so proud of the amazing work so many are doing in this world to help others. It feels people are truly present at the moment, which I know sounds odd as physically they are not but you get my drift.

Alongside all the amazing work people are doing; our planet has began healing itself, I read a post the other day that stated this:
‘Since the lockdown: Venice’s canals have become crystal clear. Italy coasts have dolphins coming nearer and nearer. Japan now has deer roaming free in the streets, and Thailand: the same with monkeys. China has record breaking pollution cuts. The Earth has already began showing signs of amazing things that are happening’.

Anyway, I know times are hard right now, I know this is effecting so many lives. I just wanted to highlight some positivity amongst these times. I have people around me that are suffering with terrible anxieties, barely sleeping and are really struggling, so this post is for them. To show not everything is terrible right now.

Here are some of my tips on how to stay positive:

  • Write 3 things you are grateful of every morning
  • Try and embrace the daylight each day whether that be going out in your garden for a bit of the day or eating breakfast by the window, get that vitamin D in your life
  • Try to limit yourself to looking at the current news once or twice a day
  • Watch your favourite film or get stuck into a new series – I have a few fab recommendations (if you need any)
  • Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and have a good old catch up
  • Try and learn a new skill
  • Do something you love
  • Have a garden work out with Joe Wicks (sadly he won’t actually be there, but virtually he can be)
  • Get creative
  • Have a self-care day
  • Listen to a feel happy playlist (mine is Sing-along Indie hits on spotify)
  • Have a little kitchen disco to your fave album
  • Get stuck into a new book
  • Do something rewarding like have a complete re-shuffle of your room or sort your wardrobe out orrrr unload the ‘dreaded chair of clothes’
  • Look after yourself, be kind to your mind and know when you need to have a day to just focus on your mind.

Those are just a few of my suggestions – in times like this we must stay positive for ourselves and those around us. This is a time to show great kindness and humanity to one another. Appreciate all those around you and wake up each morning feeling bright and ready to start the day.

We have all got this.

L x

Ps. for the series recommendations or just someone to chat to in these times, message me on here or insta me @20_somethingyearold1 🙂

Mental health

Mental health

Going to try and take a more vulnerable approach to this one, which I am not used to doing as I mask many things with my #bantz. Like I just did there. In this post I am going to open up about my battle with anxiety and finish it with some tips for dealing with anxiety.

My battle with anxiety started from a really young age (I call it a battle because most of the time that is what it feels like, a constant battle in my head with myself). I was always an anxious child, could not be left alone, thought crisps were going to kill me and thought every family member was going to suddenly die while I was at school. (It is also ok to have a little chuckle at those anxieties, I do now when I look back).

These got a little better in my teenage years, I was still anxious but it was linked more to social anxiety and just general teenage worries. I was very shy and had to really work myself up to be around people. When I went to college I completely blossomed and I will forever be grateful for my friends there, that helped bring me out of my shell and help me become who I am today.

University was a fresh start for me and in the first term it really was incredible, could not have asked for more – well I could have done with a bit more money as I spent my money on 2 pound wine and nights out and then lived off pasta and cheese strings but yano commitment to le sesh is key at uni.

It was when I got into my first ever relationship that my anxiety took a turn for the worst. I have always struggled with ‘self-love’ I never fully accepted myself (image wise) so getting into a relationship was a big deal for me, to be fully exposed to a person, emotionally and physically was really hard work and took it out of me. Not only this the person I was with had many toxic traits and was very emotionally manipulative. It sent my anxiety wild, I gained tonnes of weight, lost a lot of my hair, and was just generally down. Everything constantly felt too much, the smallest thing felt like the biggest deal. It effected all areas of my life, luckily I had amazing people around me who supported me always and were always there to help. But being at uni when in a bad way with anxiety was hard, the hangovers made me so down and it was on those days that I just simply did not know what to do with myself, I felt trapped, scared and angry at everything.

I could carry on down the timeline of my anxiety but I feel like I could be here forever writing a very long, very emotional blog post.

Anxiety is a part of my life that takes over at times and then sits on the sidelines at others. When it takes over it feels like a blanket is smothering everything I do; I feel on edge always, overthink everything, struggle to communicate with people, want to be alone constantly and so much more. Everything feels like it takes every piece of energy and along with that you are convinced by all the negative thoughts in your mind. When my anxiety becomes high functioning in stressful times, my OCD then starts to tag team in with it, wanting to be part of the party. Meaning not only is my anxiety there fighting against me, my OCD is in the background telling me if I don’t brush my teeth in a certain way while doing 3 spins, something terrible will happen that day. It is EXHAUSTING, but over the years I have to learn to cope with that rather then trying to distract myself from it, because being real, there is no real distraction, you have to just face it head on.

There are days when I admittedly lie in my bed for so many hours wanting to get out and be productive but just not being able to face it, then feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. I don’t get that as much now, but those days do still happen and that is ok.

I wanted to do a post on this because it is something I deal with daily, I am a loud, confident, happy person on the outside and have built myself a lot since I was that scared timid child/teenager, I am proud of who I am becoming. However, although that is me on the outside I still struggle on the inside. People never truly know the struggle people face inside. For example: I am very sociable but every single social event I go to I will have a really bad stomach the day before and I will barely sleep because I am so nervous of what people will think of me (even though I am with my besties normally). Equally, I love the gym but will sit in my car for like 15 minutes some days before I go in because I have had to hype myself up so much as I am so nervous of people seeing me working out. Even going for a food shop, some days I will see there is not a self checkout open, will leave my shopping and walk out because I cannot face being face to face with someone.

It really is exhausting, you feel it all over your body. Some days your anxiety will give you crazy energy where you just have to do some crazy moves around the house to try and burn it off, but other days it will have you stuck in the same spot for hours, because the enclosing feeling of dread is encapsulating not only your body but your mind.

You will have a million things to do then your anxiety knocks on the door like ‘hey, I know you are super busy right now but I wanted to remind you of a really bad event that happened 11 years ago’ and that is that, you are biting your nails, stressing out and then before you know it you are irritable, unfocused and tired. It can feel like you are self sabotaging yourself for literally no reason.

My main anxiety trigger is body image. I have a lot of trigger words/events that happen that really set me off. The start of the day is the hardest for me because picking an outfit for the day is so tricky as when I am anxious, my belly bloats, I see a completely different person in the mirror and I want to not be seen by anyone, it just can start my day off on the complete wrong foot. My other trigger is a long to do list, my mind can never cope well in busy times in my life.

This is why I am a big advocate for being kind and understanding toward everyone, everyone has their own triggers, you really do never know what people are going through.

I am so proud of the progress I have made through the years, I still struggle but nowhere near as much as I used to. I have challenged myself constantly and fought down massive barriers to live the amazing life I live now. I have never felt more proud of the journey I have been on then when I look back on how I have climbed my way out of some pretty dark holes and came out stronger, braver and more confident and ready to take on the next challenge.

I want to end of a more positive note after all that heavy shit! I want to end on some ways to help anxiety, these are things that I have tried and tested and have really helped/help me:
1. GYM – even though it is such hard work to get there some days, working out clears my mind, resets it and transforms my emotions so much
2. Meditation – this calms me down when I am feeling particularly nervy
3. Self-affirmations – this is mega hard when you are feeling anxious but I feel it can be so beneficial to ignore those negative thoughts and say something nice to yourself
4. Journal it – I have my journal where I write all my thoughts and feelings down (all be it is the MOST dramatic journal ever but hey I am an actress at heart, what do you expect?!)
5. Tidy your room – The quotes are true messy space, messy mind. When my anxiety is bad you can tell because my room is carnage, stuff EVERYWHERE, when I tidy it I instantly feel better
6. Self-care – Have a bath, use a face mask, wash your hair, paint ya nails, small things but help me feel good
7. Do something you enjoy – anything! I dance and act and that makes me feel instantly uplifted and happy.

FINALLY, be patient with yourself, don’t be angry or resentful at yourself for feeling this way. You are human. Mental health is never anything to be ashamed of, learn how to deal with your mental health in a way that works best for you. Know you deserve the best and fight a strong fight against those negative thoughts. Always talk to someone when you feel down, sharing a problem or worry can be such a relief sometimes. Be kind always and if anyone ever needs anyone to talk to then please do message me on Twitter @20_somethingyearold or at Instagram @20_somethingyearold1 . (That is not promo, that is genuine.)

Long one this time but I felt it was time to open up a bit, show you a different side to my writing and to me.

Thanks! L x

The uncertainty of your twenties

The uncertainty of your twenties

So your twenties are like being in a constant state of uneasiness like when you are walking past someone you kind of know and don’t know whether to stop and have awkward small talk or look away and pretend you never saw them. It almost feels like you are reliving your teenage years except this time, you have to pay for your own hobbies, have to work full time and are in debt, all in one go.

Was this not meant to be the part where we’re all meant to be happily married, driving ferraris, starting families and living out our real life MASH results? (gals you know, boys google it) like i’m confused???

Along with that suddenly I am 25 and am more uncertain of my career choices than ever. One minute I want to be a teacher or an actress then I think hmm maybe I want to be a writer. Next thing I know I am there googling how to be a marine biologist or how to get inspiration to be an inventor. Like someone give me those career quizzes from school, I need it now more than ever.

Talking of school just like your teenage years you have crushes in your twenties, handle them in a pretty similar way too. Still unsure of how to interact with them, still go awkward and weird. However, a big growth part of this is you are no longer writing their name in love hearts on everything you own…(I hope).

Don’t even get me started on the drinking too. Teenage years drinking was gr8 – location did not matter, drink did not matter, and what the hell was a hangover?? Drinking in your twenties means being hungover for approx 3 months, spending a small fortune on shots, and regrets, allllll the regrets.

Now in my twenties, I would kill for nap time to be scheduled into my day, have chicken nuggets and chips for dinner and have my Mum pick my outfit for me each day. (Talking younger than teens here btw, although would have saved a lot of bad fashion phases if mum did dress me).

But alas despite the blind panic above. I do sometimes feel my age and I do feel like I have my shit together…most of the time. However, those waves of panic do seep in every now and then. As I am sure they do for all twenty somethings.

Here are some pros to being twenties and NOT teens:

  • You can eat dinner for breakfast, breakfast for lunch and like nobody can say anything
  • You can take chances and risks
  • You meet THE best people
  • Loads of wicked life experiences
  • Do whatttt you want (within 50 pound budget for the year)
  • Live yo best life
  • Follow your dreams – all 349 of them in one go
  • Independence (when/if you finally move out)

I am not going to carry on with some inspiring pinterest quotes that will bring a tear to your eye but you get the gist. In the words of Troy Bolton and the cast of HSM:

Dating in your twenties

Dating in your twenties

Ok, so I have not written much recently as I have been seriously lacking inspiration and time, to be quite honest. Yet, here I am finding inspiration writing about something I am actually not very good at…. at all, but here we go anyway. What a rollercoaster we go on in my posts ‘ey!

Now, let me give you a little disclaimer here, I am not an avid dater AT ALL. I hate the things, I will decline dates because I hate the whole process (although trying to not do that as much now or I will end up alone forever). Maybe a tad on the dramatic side but in the words of our nations hero Pamelarrrrr:

Jeeeeeez, dating in general is hard work but in your twenties it seems like an actual game of snog, marry, avoid. You are sat there awkwardly over a drink in the standard ‘date drinks’ location asking mundane questions that you are not overly fussed about knowing the answer to, when all you want to ask are the hard hitting questions like; what do you think about the decline in our Earths habitats or yano, what star sign are you so I can go home and google if we are going to get married or not.

But hang on, I have skipped a big step here. Actually getting to the date, woah that is a biggie.

We live in such an amazing technological world now, so amazing that people don’t often seem to meet in person now but online. I remember when I first set my tinder account up, I was amazed, felt like I had my very own personal Argos catalogue of men that I could just swipe yes or no to?! GR8 – Will have a boyf in no time I thought……oh how wrong I was.

Now perhaps I have a faulty version of the app or I have terrible taste in men (probably the latter) but I have not found tinder a hot spot for meeting guys. Like you match with someone and you are like YAS stage 1 complete, they send you a message, WOO stage 2 complete, they send you the dreaded ‘so what are you on here for lol’ message. DAMN Stage 3 error. Now in my experience I will say something like ‘just here to meet new people’ (mainly because it is a lonely Sunday afternoon and I am not really sure why I am here on tinder) and that is when you get the age old response of…… Yeah same, here to meet nice people and have some fun (insert ambiguous sexting emoji). Yep, stage 3 has an error. This will then cause me to text all my pals and say ‘It’s happened again, I am deleting the app forever, I want to meet someone organically’ they nod along knowing I will re-download it in approx 2 days after sitting in a coffee shop awaiting Mr Right to walk through the door and fall in love with me. Then the process starts again.

So anyway, most of the people I have gone on dates with I have met organically, it is much nicer, far less pressure and concern of them thinking you are not as attractive as your very finely picked, shit hot tinder pics. The dates I have been on in my time have been… ok, I mean I am still single so they haven’t been great. My biggest problem, I turn all alpha male with my banter, start insulting them, am cold and just generally awkward. Cute and flirtatious I know, how am I single?

But dating is scary as shit for me. I have pals who go out on dates on the regs are so cool about it, they love it, meeting new people, learning about them and that’s that. I however, go a bit weird let my anxiety take over and will solidly panic for like 3 days before wondering if they will be super cool and fun or someone who has no similar interests and we will sit silently for the duration. When in fact I should just calm the fuck down and just go and enjoy myself and not worry about silly little things like; awkward hugs, going to sit down on the same chair and me sitting on him accidentally, resulting in me having to move to the other side of the world to avoid embarrassment, or something like him turning out to be like Joe from You and me having to fake my own death to avoid his avid stalking… yano casual stuff.

Dating in your twenties however, is fun and a great way to meet new people and learn about yourself and what you want in a future partner. Even though I am a disaster dater with my awkwardness, I am glad I have gone on the dates I have. I feel like I come out learning something about myself every time. As time goes on I am sure I will let my little aggressive barrier down and be a less heightened ‘banter fuelled’ person and be more successful but for now I am happy with what I have learnt from dating.

My new motto is to just go and enjoy dating, I am in my twenties, this is a great time to date and figure out what you want and enjoy yourself while doing it.

But also, if your not going on dates that is cool to – a gr8 person to date is yourself. Treat yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself.

There was SO much more I could have written on this topic but I did not want to write a novel. Perhaps I will write a dating in your twenties part 2 another time. So for now does anybody have any dating disasters or success stories they want to share?

Read my other ‘dating’ related posts by following the links below:
Being Ghosted: https://lifeofa20somethingyearold.home.blog/2019/09/15/being-ghosted/
Being single in your twenties:
https://lifeofa20somethingyearold.home.blog/2019/07/26/being-single-in-your-twenties/

L x

Self-care

Self-care

Phwoar, I don’t know about you but I feel like being in your twenties is stress central. Like excuse me, where is my open return back to care free childhood plz?

Now plz appreciate I am writing this as a mid twenty something year old – if you are older or younger then some of these may not apply – but here we go.

Work seems to be manic and tiring and just well… stressful. You also always seem to be in a weird sort of second guessing stage of being like hmmm… Is this what I REALLY want to be doing with my life? Even if this is the job you had dreamed of your brain seems to do that crazy little thing of going ‘buuuuuuuut what if I changed my mind and want to now do a job which is the polar opposite to this one, that I have 0 qualifications for?’ Super fun when it does that.

Alongside that your social life is hectic and you are in the middle of do I go and party the night away or do I sleep non stop for a solid 2 days? (I normally go for the party, normally regret it when I am dry-mouthed, anxiety ridden and 10x more tired than before.) But YOLO, right?…

Single people are stressed about finding a partner, taken people are stressed about if their partner is ‘the one’ or if they are just settling.

You also have this constant looming anxiety of soooooo when does a million pound drop out of the sky so I can buy a house, get 10 dogs, own my own car, pay off my debt, blah, blah, the list goes on.

And just Brexit…
(You can’t be an english person without throwing a brexit comment/joke into the mix.)

STRESS, STRESS, STRESS.
With a cheeky bit (lot) of word vomit thrown onto your screens there. If you were not stressed before, I fear I might have just made you a little. Soz.

ANYWAY onto the good stuff. Self-care ahhhh.

Self-care is so important, I cannot say it enough. With all the stresses we all face everyday it is so important to take some time for ourselves and really touch base and look after ourselves. We deserve it after all…

I know when I have had a really tough time I take time to just relax and do things that make me feel happy and calm. So below are my top self-care go to’s:

  • A long bubble bath with candles and chilled music
  • A face mask (I love to do this one when I am meant to do something important because it makes me feel like I am procrastinating in a ‘positive self-care’ way.)
  • Go for a walk
  • Listen to my favourite album
  • Blog
  • Go to the gym
  • Put all my fairy lights, candles and salt lamps on and meditate
  • Journal – to help me process my feelings and thoughts
  • Sing

These things really do help me feel more relaxed and zone back in with myself. I also read a lovely quote the other day which stated how you must treat yourself how you treat your friends, with kindness and patience. This is so key, yes being a twenty-something is stressful, I think just being a person is a bit stressful at times but ensuring you look after yourself is the key to feeling calmer and happier. Remember to slow down and do things that make you happy. Your mind and body will thank you for it!

What self-care strategies do you use? x

Body shaming

Body shaming

First ghosting now body shaming, it seems my blog is really tackling some joyful subjects! On the ghosting note thank you SO much for all the wicked engagement with the post, I was overwhelmed by how many of you reached out to talk about it with me!

Ok, so I felt inspired to discuss this matter after listening to quite a few podcasts discussing it recently. It made me think about my own experiences of body shaming and how it had affected me.

Bit of a background on myself with this, as it is a topic really personal to me and I have written and deleted this post SO many times. Anyway, at the ripe old age of 12 I discovered a deep love of eating not even food but eating, I LOVED it and ate ALOT. I became very chubby, often I would be called ‘fat’ by the mean girls. I began to see that as my identity, a part of me. I did not take it like some amazing people do, I did not own it. Everytime it was said to me I wanted to crawl into a ball and just disappear, everytime I felt absolutely disgusted by myself – not the people saying it (who now I see are the disgusting ones) but no, I saw me as the gross one. I was called fat even when I was not that fat! But that happened from 12 until 22. I know it was this amount of time because I used to remember it was always said at least once every. single. year. Everytime I would feel happy or confident, my mind would take me back to ‘you’re fat’ and the confidence would drain out of me. Deep stuff.

Now I turned to my Bff in these times (food obvs – cheese and bean pasties to be particular) so naturally then it became a vicious cycle. I also entered an extremely manipulative relationship and I ended up putting 3 stone on and the fat shaming came in thick and fast from strangers all around. The key there being strangers, these people never knew me. I remember so vividly once my pal trying to wingman me and the boy turning around WHILE I AM THERE and going ‘nah she’s fat’. I remember thinking…how can someone be so cruel?

These comments left such an imprint on me, I remember everywhere I went I thought people were staring, judging my weight, it made my confidence so low. It took such a toll on my mental health. Now, I still think about those comments but I do not view them as a part of my identity anymore but more as motivation to not let myself slip into the trap of believing them.

I ended up losing 3 stone after my break up and felt healthy and happy for the first time in a while. It was a monumental time for me because for the ages 23 and 24 I was not called FAT! Amazing. 11/10, an award goes out to all the dickheads that body shame…not. But for me this was HUGE I finally felt ‘normal’ how mad is that.

Ironically on my 25th bday I was drunk in Cornwall eating a subway living my best life and BAM a random man on a wall yells out to a taxi ‘DON’T RUN OVER THE FATTY’. What a caring man trying to save me from a taxi, shame he mispronounced ‘fitty as fatty’. Jokes aside, my world came crashing down (soz to be dramatic it’s that degree creeping in again) I threw my (delicious) vegan sub to the floor in upset thinking don’t need this food then obv I am back to fat L. Which obv is not the case, I have worked hard to feel good in my skin, I am not there yet but I am able to brush those comments off easier now.

Now lyf story over, thanks for sitting through that.

Get ready for sassy L again ppl…
The moral of this whole post. Body shaming is NOT ok, anyone affected by this knows how detrimental it can be to somebody’s confidence, mental health and well being. It is a disgusting thing, absolutely inexcusable. What gives somebody the right to comment ANYTHING negative about somebody elses looks? It is the lowest of the low. It also says so much more about that person than it does about us. People like that are just wrong ‘uns and what gives me piece of mind is that karma is a bitch, if you are (sassy, pouty click of the fingers with a uhhhuuuuhhhh). People need to understand that these off the cuff comments about peoples bodies stay with them for years. I still lay there at night sometimes replaying comments, believing those comments. It is so sad and I really don’t think people understand the severity of the subject. Body shaming can cause so many health issues. It is vile and never ever ok. We live in a social media world where people do it constantly. We live in a world where people want to constantly change their bodies with filters or surgery because somebody has shamed them for being who they are. Often people see body shaming as people being fat shamed but that is just not the case. People are body shamed for being too thin, fat, tall, small, the list is actually endless.

So here is my message to all those who have been body shamed:
Do not let those idiots bring you down or dull your sparkle. Those peoples comments mean nothing. They will mean everything for a while but that will soon fade and what once knocked you down will empower you. Your body is yours, do what you bloody like with it, if you want to eat 5 bean and cheese pasties because its a Monday DO IT! (Talking from personal experience though 5 might tip you over the edge and make you a feel a lil ill). Anyway back to the empowering stuff; Be proud of who you are, you are you and that is something to be proud of. Bellends will always be there to try and knock you down but shrug their comments off with pride (they hate that!) and carry on with your day. Your body is amazing and is with you through all the good and bad times, appreciate that bod of yours! Quite simply guys: You are unique. You are beautiful. And most importantly You are You. Rock it, slayyyyyy sistaaaa/bruvvvaaaa.

I also am not claiming to be a guru here and deffo need to read that paragraph at times when I think about body shaming comments but the fact is we are all here fighting the body shamers as ledge heads together.

You have got this, I promise.

L x

Being ghosted

Being ghosted

Ahhh delightful subject. I never really was a fan of Casper the friendly ghost and I am not too keen on (insert name of choice) the unfriendly ghoster either. Now this is not specific to being a twenty something year old. We have all experienced being ghosted at some stage of our lives. If you haven’t then tell me your secret plz.

Ghosting (def): the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Ok, so I am not sure when ghosting became a ‘thing’ but it seems to happen more and more now days. Perhaps because it is so easy to do with all these dating apps and social media. You can quite simply just disappear now with no explanation.

I think ghosting can only be considered ghosting if you have met the person, or have/had a bond with said person. Someone not replying to your witty tinder one liner does not quite count as ghosting. Even if it is a dent to the comedian inside of your ego.

It is one of the worst feelings, I have been ghosted a few times and it hurts in a different kind of way. It leaves you questioning EVERYTHING. Asking yourself so many questions. Why did they do that? Was it something I did? Was I just not good enough? Did I mean that little to them? So many things fly through your mind. I want to touch upon the ‘did I mean that little to them’ one. As this is one that I always think about. To not even be given an explanation as to why they want to stop talking or end things is so belittling. It makes you think omg why have I put so much energy into this person, who cannot even be bothered to let me know things are done and tell me why.

But heres the reality and here is a pre warning: I am about to get a lil sassy...

These ‘ghosts’ are just cowards, they do not have the courage to give a simple explanation as to why they want to call things off. They decide that it is far easier to just disappear, not even giving second thought to your feelings. Extremely cowardly and selfish behaviour. Let’s be real, would we want someone with those traits in our lives anyway? HELL NO!

Enough about them and more about us. We must accept that it happened, we live and we learn (then write a blog post about it). It is easy to sit and think ‘what did I do wrong’ but let’s get real. It is nothing to do with us and all to do with the other person (unless of course you ran their dog over or something then I guess you kinda deserve the ghosting). But the key here is to just think it is a lucky escape and you will find someone SO much better than that. You are a sassy, strong person who has no time for this kind of stuff.

Sometimes we have to just give ourselves closure when the other person fails to do so. It is tough but it happens, take some time to yourself and just remember YOU are worth more and it was probably nothing you did. Best thing to do is just avoid avidly insta stalking, delete all messsages from them and good god if they slither back into your DM’s then IGNORE. (Unless of course they have a fab excuse for ghosting.)

Fab excuses:

  • They were busy ending world hunger
  • They were clearing ALL the plastic from the ocean
  • They were out feeding all the stray dogs and cats
  • They were lost on a desert island with no phone (still could send a message in a bottle though)

Yano something along those lines…

Better people are coming, be patient my friends.

L x