Tag: instagram

Body shaming

Body shaming

by L ♥ 14 Comments

First ghosting now body shaming, it seems my blog is really tackling some joyful subjects! On the ghosting note thank you SO much for all the wicked engagement with the post, I was overwhelmed by how many of you reached out to talk about it with me!

Ok, so I felt inspired to discuss this matter after listening to quite a few podcasts discussing it recently. It made me think about my own experiences of body shaming and how it had affected me.

Bit of a background on myself with this, as it is a topic really personal to me and I have written and deleted this post SO many times. Anyway, at the ripe old age of 12 I discovered a deep love of eating not even food but eating, I LOVED it and ate ALOT. I became very chubby, often I would be called ‘fat’ by the mean girls. I began to see that as my identity, a part of me. I did not take it like some amazing people do, I did not own it. Everytime it was said to me I wanted to crawl into a ball and just disappear, everytime I felt absolutely disgusted by myself – not the people saying it (who now I see are the disgusting ones) but no, I saw me as the gross one. I was called fat even when I was not that fat! But that happened from 12 until 22. I know it was this amount of time because I used to remember it was always said at least once every. single. year. Everytime I would feel happy or confident, my mind would take me back to ‘you’re fat’ and the confidence would drain out of me. Deep stuff.

Now I turned to my Bff in these times (food obvs – cheese and bean pasties to be particular) so naturally then it became a vicious cycle. I also entered an extremely manipulative relationship and I ended up putting 3 stone on and the fat shaming came in thick and fast from strangers all around. The key there being strangers, these people never knew me. I remember so vividly once my pal trying to wingman me and the boy turning around WHILE I AM THERE and going ‘nah she’s fat’. I remember thinking…how can someone be so cruel?

These comments left such an imprint on me, I remember everywhere I went I thought people were staring, judging my weight, it made my confidence so low. It took such a toll on my mental health. Now, I still think about those comments but I do not view them as a part of my identity anymore but more as motivation to not let myself slip into the trap of believing them.

I ended up losing 3 stone after my break up and felt healthy and happy for the first time in a while. It was a monumental time for me because for the ages 23 and 24 I was not called FAT! Amazing. 11/10, an award goes out to all the dickheads that body shame…not. But for me this was HUGE I finally felt ‘normal’ how mad is that.

Ironically on my 25th bday I was drunk in Cornwall eating a subway living my best life and BAM a random man on a wall yells out to a taxi ‘DON’T RUN OVER THE FATTY’. What a caring man trying to save me from a taxi, shame he mispronounced ‘fitty as fatty’. Jokes aside, my world came crashing down (soz to be dramatic it’s that degree creeping in again) I threw my (delicious) vegan sub to the floor in upset thinking don’t need this food then obv I am back to fat L. Which obv is not the case, I have worked hard to feel good in my skin, I am not there yet but I am able to brush those comments off easier now.

Now lyf story over, thanks for sitting through that.

Get ready for sassy L again ppl…
The moral of this whole post. Body shaming is NOT ok, anyone affected by this knows how detrimental it can be to somebody’s confidence, mental health and well being. It is a disgusting thing, absolutely inexcusable. What gives somebody the right to comment ANYTHING negative about somebody elses looks? It is the lowest of the low. It also says so much more about that person than it does about us. People like that are just wrong ‘uns and what gives me piece of mind is that karma is a bitch, if you are (sassy, pouty click of the fingers with a uhhhuuuuhhhh). People need to understand that these off the cuff comments about peoples bodies stay with them for years. I still lay there at night sometimes replaying comments, believing those comments. It is so sad and I really don’t think people understand the severity of the subject. Body shaming can cause so many health issues. It is vile and never ever ok. We live in a social media world where people do it constantly. We live in a world where people want to constantly change their bodies with filters or surgery because somebody has shamed them for being who they are. Often people see body shaming as people being fat shamed but that is just not the case. People are body shamed for being too thin, fat, tall, small, the list is actually endless.

So here is my message to all those who have been body shamed:
Do not let those idiots bring you down or dull your sparkle. Those peoples comments mean nothing. They will mean everything for a while but that will soon fade and what once knocked you down will empower you. Your body is yours, do what you bloody like with it, if you want to eat 5 bean and cheese pasties because its a Monday DO IT! (Talking from personal experience though 5 might tip you over the edge and make you a feel a lil ill). Anyway back to the empowering stuff; Be proud of who you are, you are you and that is something to be proud of. Bellends will always be there to try and knock you down but shrug their comments off with pride (they hate that!) and carry on with your day. Your body is amazing and is with you through all the good and bad times, appreciate that bod of yours! Quite simply guys: You are unique. You are beautiful. And most importantly You are You. Rock it, slayyyyyy sistaaaa/bruvvvaaaa.

I also am not claiming to be a guru here and deffo need to read that paragraph at times when I think about body shaming comments but the fact is we are all here fighting the body shamers as ledge heads together.

You have got this, I promise.

L x

Being ghosted

Being ghosted

by L ♥ 27 Comments

Ahhh delightful subject. I never really was a fan of Casper the friendly ghost and I am not too keen on (insert name of choice) the unfriendly ghoster either. Now this is not specific to being a twenty something year old. We have all experienced being ghosted at some stage of our lives. If you haven’t then tell me your secret plz.

Ghosting (def): the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Ok, so I am not sure when ghosting became a ‘thing’ but it seems to happen more and more now days. Perhaps because it is so easy to do with all these dating apps and social media. You can quite simply just disappear now with no explanation.

I think ghosting can only be considered ghosting if you have met the person, or have/had a bond with said person. Someone not replying to your witty tinder one liner does not quite count as ghosting. Even if it is a dent to the comedian inside of your ego.

It is one of the worst feelings, I have been ghosted a few times and it hurts in a different kind of way. It leaves you questioning EVERYTHING. Asking yourself so many questions. Why did they do that? Was it something I did? Was I just not good enough? Did I mean that little to them? So many things fly through your mind. I want to touch upon the ‘did I mean that little to them’ one. As this is one that I always think about. To not even be given an explanation as to why they want to stop talking or end things is so belittling. It makes you think omg why have I put so much energy into this person, who cannot even be bothered to let me know things are done and tell me why.

But heres the reality and here is a pre warning: I am about to get a lil sassy...

These ‘ghosts’ are just cowards, they do not have the courage to give a simple explanation as to why they want to call things off. They decide that it is far easier to just disappear, not even giving second thought to your feelings. Extremely cowardly and selfish behaviour. Let’s be real, would we want someone with those traits in our lives anyway? HELL NO!

Enough about them and more about us. We must accept that it happened, we live and we learn (then write a blog post about it). It is easy to sit and think ‘what did I do wrong’ but let’s get real. It is nothing to do with us and all to do with the other person (unless of course you ran their dog over or something then I guess you kinda deserve the ghosting). But the key here is to just think it is a lucky escape and you will find someone SO much better than that. You are a sassy, strong person who has no time for this kind of stuff.

Sometimes we have to just give ourselves closure when the other person fails to do so. It is tough but it happens, take some time to yourself and just remember YOU are worth more and it was probably nothing you did. Best thing to do is just avoid avidly insta stalking, delete all messsages from them and good god if they slither back into your DM’s then IGNORE. (Unless of course they have a fab excuse for ghosting.)

Fab excuses:

  • They were busy ending world hunger
  • They were clearing ALL the plastic from the ocean
  • They were out feeding all the stray dogs and cats
  • They were lost on a desert island with no phone (still could send a message in a bottle though)

Yano something along those lines…

Better people are coming, be patient my friends.

L x

The types of friends you have in your twenties

The types of friends you have in your twenties

by L ♥ 1 Comment

Friends are so important in your twenties, they are in all ages but especially in your twenties. You are all getting sea sick in the same rocky boat we call life! You are all trying to navigate to that lovely island called ‘I am smashing adulthood’. But you get pretty lost along the way but it is ok because you have your pals with you to help out, you are all in the same metaphoric boat after all. You come across a lot of pals in your 20’s that all play important parts in these testing but horrendously fun and messy years. So here is a list of the type of friends you meet in your twenties:

  • The party friend: This friend is great to have around in your twenties and always matches your wild dance moves and desire to down multiple shots when you really don’t need anymore. This person is down for deep and meaningful chats in the smoking area about the boys you fancied 10 years ago then once you have finished your pointless rant will drag you back to the dancefloor to dance to come on Eileen. These are the friends that can turn a bad day into a fantastic, new, spontaneous memory within hours! They are absolutely vital and are the most fun ever. Nobody ever knows what mischief might occur with this friend. Did someone say spoons?
  • The MUM friend: This friend is not actually a mum but might as well be your adopted social mum. They are your go to for advice on life and always seem to know the right thing to say. They are also in their twenties but have a magical power of having their shit together?! They always know the right thing to do and are always there at your beckon call to help you decide massive things such as; What colour to paint your nails?! They also are great to have on a night out: they keep everyone together, ensure all drunken disputes are solved, makes sure everyone has their ID, card and dignity in tact in the taxi back. Guardian angels are these friends, absolute gals.
  • The go-months-without-seeing-but-are-still-close-as-ever friend: Now this pal is a special kind of pal. I like to call these friendships ‘grown up’ as we get we’re both busy independent working ladies that have no time to constantly text. So therefore months will go by without a word from either end until one day you get a random meme or old photo from each other and BAM the catch up commences. The catch up never acknowledges how long it has been since the last conversation though, GOOD GOD NO, that would be absurd. You just enjoy the fact that nothing has changed and you still have such a lovely friendship with this person. It also makes the catch ups amazing and FULL of tea as it’s months worth of life goss!
  • The work friend: This one is a good egg. You see them everyday at both your fave places… work! (Detect the sarcasm.) Now this friend, man this friend is the one that you can sit with and moan for hours, except you never have that long as lunch breaks only seem to last 5 seconds before you must go back. This person you don’t see socially nearly as much as your other friends. But in those short times at work that you do see each other you seem to; exchange vital gossip, share your deepest secrets, catch up, discuss the thought process behind your lunch and solve all of lifes qualms together. And of course they are someone who can relate to all your work related dramz and stresses.
  • The Social Media friend: This is an easy one, these are people that you do not actually speak to in person but have an unspoken rule of being loyal likers on each others posts. These people are likely to be friends of friends, drunken besties made in the toilets years ago or just random people. Either way you will never be going for coffee with them but appreciate their loyalty to your social media.
  • The adult friend: This one may sound like the MUM friend but they are very different. The adult friend is the one with their shit together for real, they may be older or the same age. But these people have their own houses, some have children and some are married. Pretty grown up stuff, you like to look at their life in awe of how they have their stuff together. You enjoy sophisticated evenings with them discussing real life issues while eating cheese and olives feeling a little like an imposter. You feel dare I say… ‘grown up’ around them. They give you a bit of a reality check. They are amazing friends to you though and help guide you and always have amazing advice. These ones are golden.
  • The questionable-life-choices friend: This one, ahhh this one gives you stress. You love them for their crazy decisions and you can always count on them for some serious tea to be spilt in catch ups. But, they give you anxiety over their choices sometimes. However, they are also pretty good for making you feel a bit better about your own poor decisions because they have either done it before OR have done something way worse. You want to wrap this one in bubble wrap but alas instead you must just give them advice and hope they take it. Now these friends are amazing to confide in as it is always a non judgment zone and they can often relate to your own choices and know just how to cheer you up. They are worth the stress!
  • The Rock friend: Now I don’t mean the Rock as in Dwayne the Rock Johnson, although I wish he was a pal you meet in your twenties. No, this person/people they are true golden eggs, the best of the best. These are the ones that are there for you always, they have your back and are loyal to you no matter what. They are the kind of friend that you can just be in a room with on a bad day not talking and feel better for just being in their company. They have been by your side through some of the hardest times in your life. You take comfort in knowing that this/these friends will be there to help you fight whatever comes your way. The rock friend makes you feel like you are never alone and never have to face anything alone. I could go on and on but these ones, these are the best ones.

So which friend are you? Tag your friends and see if you guess the same!
Twitter: 20something_l
Instagram: 20_something1

The pressures of social media

The pressures of social media

by L ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

So being a twenty something I thought ahhh my care for social media will pass in due course. Long story short – it. did. not. I feel like I am more obsessed with social media than I ever have been before. I thought Bebo would be the height of social media then instagram came along…

I will set the scene for you – walk into a beautifully designed London floral cafe, you look around and see everyone posing, snapping pics of themselves or the surroundings. You can’t even judge them because you know you are about to whack huji out to get that perfect ‘candid’ shot of you laughing of to one side having the ‘best time ever’. When in reality you are out of breath from sucking in so hard, your face hurts from the fake smile and you feel a little embarrassed about any onlookers witnessing the ‘behind the scenes’ of your gram.

It is a fikkle game social media, it gives you a weird high when you get a load of likes and weird low when your photo bombs. Like why do we still care about this online acceptance of our lives? I hate that we care so much – that I care so much, it can become quite draining.

I feel for twenty something year olds instagram can be really disheartening, as we are seeing people our age or younger getting beautiful houses, getting engaged, going on amazing holidays, sharing their INSANE bodies and just in general showing off how great life is. We are at an age of uncertainty of where we are going in life, a false sense of security a lot of the time and when we log into our gram we see other twenty somethings who seem to have their lives in order.

I am guilty as sin for caring too much about my social media presence. One of my first thoughts when I have an event is hmm what am I going to wear, can’t wear something I have already worn on the gram. How mad is that?! Like c’mon L get a grip. I feel so much pressure if I am in a cool place to get a picture of myself looking like a #model. And if I do not get the shot I actually feel so rubbish about it. Again WTF? When did I allow my life to revolve around an app.

I know friends who have deleted the gram for a few weeks to help their mental health or self esteem. How crazy that we are having to delete something to help our own mental health because the pressure of an app is too much. It makes me very sad and so, so sad to think those in generations after us will have this take over their lives from such a young age. At least we all had our childhoods of playing out these children now days do not have that, they are eaten up by the pressures to look good and have nice things all the time.

It is a mad world we live in. But what is important is to remember that social media is not real life. People don’t post those photos of them laying on the sofa, ice cream around their mouth, mascara running because they had a break up or argument with their perfect insta husband. Maybe that’s what the gram needs, a bit more honesty? I can be the first to say I probz would not be uploading any ugly pics anytime soon. Vicky Pattison is great for keeping it real on the gram, love her hungover pics!

But anyway moral of the blog, people only post the life they want you to see. Those down days, those ugly breaking out days, those I haven’t got dressed and smell today pics happen in real life they just arn’t shown. Try to not compare yourself too much and try to remember life is there to be enjoyed, not instagrammed. I also am not claiming to be a guru here and I myself need to follow those morals also so yano this is a pep talk for us all.

Also, I do love instagram and seeing pictures of everybody’s lives, it is a great way to keep in contact with people also. I just wish I/we did not feel the pressures so much. Obv I know other platforms of social media are tough too but I feel instagram is the one that gets people the most.

Have a lovely week all!

L x