Tag: selflove

The Power of Being Single

The Power of Being Single

by L ♥ 21 Comments

People (myself included sometimes) put such a negative spin on being single. Just feels like the ‘done’ thing doesn’t it?

It is rare that I see people discuss the power of being single. Because in all honesty staying single, not settling for anyone not worth my time nor effort has had a wickedly powerful impact on me, and my life.

I have found mad love and respect for myself in my years single. As discussed in a blog post before (Being single in your twenties) I didn’t have a good past relationship. I came away broken, hating that I let a person have that effect on me, but that happens sometimes. It is all part of the process we call life.

I needed time to heal. Alone. I needed time to deal with it all, to fully piece myself back together. I sort of resembled one of those mad 1000 piece jigsaws your Gran has, that takes an absolute AGE to sort.

I spent a solid 2 years working really hard to be who I was before the relationship. In that time I realised that I didn’t need to be that person anymore. This was my opportunity to become a new version of myself, a better, stronger one. Once I unlocked this gem, that is when the power happened, and my god it felt good.

There is SO much power to being on your own and embracing it! I have done so many amazing things on my own and loved it! I have taken myself on holiday, moved to a new city alone, started my career. Even right now I am sat on my own in a coffee shop writing this, years ago sitting in a coffee shop alone would have been my idea of hell. Now I really love sitting on my own, drinking coffee and watching the world go by. (Disclaimer I wrote this on paper before typing it up – pre covid obv.)

Perks of single life:

  • I look after myself and control my own emotions
  • Just have to think of me
  • My career can come first
  • I can enjoy all my passions and not worry about it taking up time that should be spent with another
  • Can not shave my legs for like 3 weeks
  • Flirting (I mean I am bad at it, but drunk I really like to pretend i’m good at it)
  • So many activities and adventures with your mates
  • I do not have to share a bed when it is the deep depths of hellish warm weather (also known as summer)
  • I can have first/only choice of what Netlix series to binge on
  • And many moreeeeeeeee things

Now don’t get me wrong I am very aware you can do all those when in a relationship too but this, this post is for the strong, powerful singletons, so take it with a pinch of salt.

I really hate it when people play the ‘ahhh how are you still single?!’ card. Like yes I know they are being nice and all that but to me that question feels more like a ‘how come you have not found anyone yet’. I also feel people are shocked/don’t believe you when you say you are single by choice. Why is that such a shocking thing? Why is it surprising for someone to want to just date themselves for a while?

Dolly Alderton wrote in her book ‘Everything I know About Love‘ something that spoke to me A LOT:
‘I don’t need any words or looks or comments from a man to believe I’m visible; to believe I’m here. (…) That’s not where I come alive. Because I am enough. My heart is enough. The stories and the sentences twisting around my mind are enough.’

The minute you realise you are enough, is a massively monumental moment, one that will change your perspective on things in every aspect of your life. For the better.

Final thoughts from me:

There is a real power and joy to being single in these really poignant years. Accept it, embrace it and enjoy it! These years are made for mess, play, failure. And when you do leave the single market make sure you look back and know you made the most of those years and are the best version of yourself and ready to share life with another without losing yourself.

What is your favourite thing about being single?

L x

A letter to my 21 year old self

A letter to my 21 year old self

by L ♥ 7 Comments

Ok, so this one has taken me a little while to think of what I would say to 21 year old me; other than it will be ok. BUT alas I have thought of some things, otherwise this would have been a very short and boring post.

Just a little context to where I was in my life at 21: I was in my final year of university; I was worried about my next steps; I was not in a great space mental health wise; I was in a relationship.

1. Finishing uni
First thing I would say is, that yes finishing uni was super sad, super scary and a really anxious time. However, the friends made will stay with you forever and will continue to be such amazing friends, that will be there every step of the way. Ledge heads the lot of them. Yes, you will lose contact with a few but it’s ok because the main ones are still there and you will continue to get messy with them very regularly. Not only that, the feeling of achievement after finishing is amazing. Also, don’t worry, things post uni will all fall into place. Oh and also your liver is like mega grateful that you are no longer drinking 2 pound bottles of wine 4/5 times a week.

2. Image
This was a big one for me back then and still is but not as much. A message to 21 year old me would be ‘stop worrying SO much, people don’t actually care as much as you think’. I was obsessed with my image and more to the point I was obsessed with my own self loathing of my image. I would tell myself to be kinder to me, I really needed to accept and love myself more. The thing I now realise is that if you self loathe and do nothing about it then you are in a horribly viscous cycle. I would tell myself to use my gym membership that I had and used perhaps once a month (lol) and go and get fit and healthy for my own sake. God knows the gym is my happy place now (after I have had a lil strop about not waking up looking like a Victoria’s Secret Model EVEN THOUGH I worked out for 1 hour). I would love to give 21 year old me a hug and say u r well wikid, do not base who you are by how you see yourself in the mirror.

3. Love
My biggest message here would be ‘love yourself enough to respect yourself’. I was in an extremely toxic relationship where I was really manipulated and all areas of my life suffered. It all ended in a horrible way and my biggest regret from the whole thing is that, even though I knew I was not being treated right, I did not respect myself enough to walk away. I believed if I did I would never find anybody again and be alone forever. But I needed to love myself and understand that actually, that was enough. I have spent 4 years on my own to fully heal from that relationship and am so glad I did. I feel now I am in a place where I like myself, I respect myself and I look after myself physically and mentally. Now, life is not solely about having a boyfriend, it is about enjoying life with my family and friends and most importantly myself. I wish nothing more than to tell 21 year old me that that would happen one day.

4. Mental health
Times were really hard at this age, it was my hardest time in terms of mental health. I suffered with depression and anxiety quite badly. I would go back and tell myself ‘you got this gal, you can do this, things all work out and you have the power and strength to not only get out of this hole but to do a complete 180 on it all and become a super positive, growth mindset gal. What a bloody (modest) ledge you will be, just keep going and make those changes day by day and be kind to yourself. Time genuinely is the best healer. Oh and also, you are a good person and as life goes on you will realise that.’

5. Other
Just like random things I would say are: ‘enjoy every moment, appreciate those around you, appreciate yourself, learn from mistakes, respect yo’self, go after your dreams, always trust your gut, do not be scared to do things alone, try everything (within context obv).’

And no sorry to ruin your day 21 year old me, but you are still not married to Leonardo DiCaprio…yet.

Oh and something massive I would tell myself; is to not base my timeline on others! Everyone goes at their own pace and life happens on diff timelines for everyone. So don’t stress about that. Sometimes in your twenties everything starts to feel like a ticking timebomb to achieve everything you have ever wanted. But yano, I have heard 30 something year olds still have a life too?! Who would have thought it?!

My twenties so far have been a mad rollercoaster ride and I am so grateful for all I have learnt in those years and how much stronger, independent and passionate about life I have become. I look forward to the many more lessons and experiences I will be sure to learn in the next 5 years of my twenties.

Got a bit deep there, 21 year old me would probs be like ‘jeeez 25 year old me is a bit preachy but would be gr8 for a drunk deep and meaningful’. It is true I am fab for a DMC… Anyway, what would you tell your 21 year old self?

L x