Tag: twenties

Help! Apparently I am an adult?!

Help! Apparently I am an adult?!

by L ♥ 19 Comments

Urm so apparently I am an adult now, I mean I have been for a few years, but still? What does ‘adulting’ really mean? I am the age of an adult, but am I really one?! Don’t worry, this whole post is not going to be me just having a breakdown and asking lot’s of questions about life. Although there might be some of that thrown in for good measure.

I know certainly for me and my friends, who are all now mid/late twenties, we are all a bit confused about where exactly we should be as ‘adults’. It is a massive topic of conversation among 20 somethings, and rightfully so, these are important years for us all. Panic mode sets in and we all start comparing ourselves to anyone and everyone of a similar age.

Generations in the past would have 3 kids, a house and a husband/wife by 25. Whereas I am here at 25; no house, no kids, no husband. All I seem to own is a wicked skincare routine and a smashing wardrobe of clothes and shoes. Generation norms change all the time, for us 20 somethings it is perfectly normal to have none of those things and still be out enjoying life to the fullest. Phew.

So this brings me onto the big Q – What is an adult? How do you become an adult? Like my friend defrosted her freezer successfully the other day…is she now a fully fledged adult??? I didn’t get ID’d the other day (which broke my heart), is that because I am just exuding adult vibez? Or are my forehead wrinkles giving the game away?

I took to the age old tool of Google Definitions to answer my question:

Adult (noun): a person who is fully grown or developed.

Okay wicked, I am both fully grown and developed so am deffo an adult. But what about adulting, what is that???

Adulting (verb): the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.

Cool, so my pal defrosting her freezer is deffo adulting. She will be really glad to hear that. I do mundane tasks loads, only yesterday I hoovered the house – pow adulting.

The point of this post is not to show you how to use google to find out word definitions, but to show that being an adult is a very broad + a bit of a boring term. The important thing though is, us 20 somethings are adults and we are all adulting and living our lives in our own way. We are all different people, we all have our own timelines, we all have different desires in life. So naturally, our paths are going to be very different. Kelly from Uni owns her own house now, Toby from School now has two children, Maisy, friend of the fam, has started uni at 24, Mark has just come back from travelling and is now a bit lost on what to do next. All very different situations, none are failing at life because they don’t have what the others have.

I used to be OBSESSED with my age and felt like I had to accomplish so much each year. But actually I am far more relaxed now and am happy going at my own pace and I realise I don’t want the same things my friends want, so it is okay that my journey is different.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have days where I am like oh ma gaaaaaaad I am nearly 26, I need a house, husband and dog – help me plz, but I have a coffee and all is well again and realise I don’t want any of that anytime soon (except the dog).

The house thing is actually a big one while I am here, for ages I was panicking about needing to get money together to buy a house because all my pals and their partners were saving for that. I didn’t actually want to buy a house yet as I wanted to rent in London for a while, but I suddenly ignored what I wanted and felt these unnecessary pressures from myself. I was always thinking well I am the same age so I should be growing up and wanting the same things, I questioned myself a lot on why I did not want the same stuff, eventually I realised that I was happy for my pals and the next stage of their lives but I was not there yet and that’s when I started to realise we all just have our own paths, I felt at peace with that.

We live in a society where it is normal to compare and criticise. But please don’t be hard on yourself. Enjoy these years, do things at your own pace, be happy for others achievements, don’t let it stress you out. You are still 20 something, there are so many years ahead for us to achieve what we want at our own pace.

What is something you are proud of yourself for?

L x

The Power of Being Single

The Power of Being Single

by L ♥ 21 Comments

People (myself included sometimes) put such a negative spin on being single. Just feels like the ‘done’ thing doesn’t it?

It is rare that I see people discuss the power of being single. Because in all honesty staying single, not settling for anyone not worth my time nor effort has had a wickedly powerful impact on me, and my life.

I have found mad love and respect for myself in my years single. As discussed in a blog post before (Being single in your twenties) I didn’t have a good past relationship. I came away broken, hating that I let a person have that effect on me, but that happens sometimes. It is all part of the process we call life.

I needed time to heal. Alone. I needed time to deal with it all, to fully piece myself back together. I sort of resembled one of those mad 1000 piece jigsaws your Gran has, that takes an absolute AGE to sort.

I spent a solid 2 years working really hard to be who I was before the relationship. In that time I realised that I didn’t need to be that person anymore. This was my opportunity to become a new version of myself, a better, stronger one. Once I unlocked this gem, that is when the power happened, and my god it felt good.

There is SO much power to being on your own and embracing it! I have done so many amazing things on my own and loved it! I have taken myself on holiday, moved to a new city alone, started my career. Even right now I am sat on my own in a coffee shop writing this, years ago sitting in a coffee shop alone would have been my idea of hell. Now I really love sitting on my own, drinking coffee and watching the world go by. (Disclaimer I wrote this on paper before typing it up – pre covid obv.)

Perks of single life:

  • I look after myself and control my own emotions
  • Just have to think of me
  • My career can come first
  • I can enjoy all my passions and not worry about it taking up time that should be spent with another
  • Can not shave my legs for like 3 weeks
  • Flirting (I mean I am bad at it, but drunk I really like to pretend i’m good at it)
  • So many activities and adventures with your mates
  • I do not have to share a bed when it is the deep depths of hellish warm weather (also known as summer)
  • I can have first/only choice of what Netlix series to binge on
  • And many moreeeeeeeee things

Now don’t get me wrong I am very aware you can do all those when in a relationship too but this, this post is for the strong, powerful singletons, so take it with a pinch of salt.

I really hate it when people play the ‘ahhh how are you still single?!’ card. Like yes I know they are being nice and all that but to me that question feels more like a ‘how come you have not found anyone yet’. I also feel people are shocked/don’t believe you when you say you are single by choice. Why is that such a shocking thing? Why is it surprising for someone to want to just date themselves for a while?

Dolly Alderton wrote in her book ‘Everything I know About Love‘ something that spoke to me A LOT:
‘I don’t need any words or looks or comments from a man to believe I’m visible; to believe I’m here. (…) That’s not where I come alive. Because I am enough. My heart is enough. The stories and the sentences twisting around my mind are enough.’

The minute you realise you are enough, is a massively monumental moment, one that will change your perspective on things in every aspect of your life. For the better.

Final thoughts from me:

There is a real power and joy to being single in these really poignant years. Accept it, embrace it and enjoy it! These years are made for mess, play, failure. And when you do leave the single market make sure you look back and know you made the most of those years and are the best version of yourself and ready to share life with another without losing yourself.

What is your favourite thing about being single?

L x

Dating in your twenties

Dating in your twenties

by L ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Ok, so I have not written much recently as I have been seriously lacking inspiration and time, to be quite honest. Yet, here I am finding inspiration writing about something I am actually not very good at…. at all, but here we go anyway. What a rollercoaster we go on in my posts ‘ey!

Now, let me give you a little disclaimer here, I am not an avid dater AT ALL. I hate the things, I will decline dates because I hate the whole process (although trying to not do that as much now or I will end up alone forever). Maybe a tad on the dramatic side but in the words of our nations hero Pamelarrrrr:

Jeeeeeez, dating in general is hard work but in your twenties it seems like an actual game of snog, marry, avoid. You are sat there awkwardly over a drink in the standard ‘date drinks’ location asking mundane questions that you are not overly fussed about knowing the answer to, when all you want to ask are the hard hitting questions like; what do you think about the decline in our Earths habitats or yano, what star sign are you so I can go home and google if we are going to get married or not.

But hang on, I have skipped a big step here. Actually getting to the date, woah that is a biggie.

We live in such an amazing technological world now, so amazing that people don’t often seem to meet in person now but online. I remember when I first set my tinder account up, I was amazed, felt like I had my very own personal Argos catalogue of men that I could just swipe yes or no to?! GR8 – Will have a boyf in no time I thought……oh how wrong I was.

Now perhaps I have a faulty version of the app or I have terrible taste in men (probably the latter) but I have not found tinder a hot spot for meeting guys. Like you match with someone and you are like YAS stage 1 complete, they send you a message, WOO stage 2 complete, they send you the dreaded ‘so what are you on here for lol’ message. DAMN Stage 3 error. Now in my experience I will say something like ‘just here to meet new people’ (mainly because it is a lonely Sunday afternoon and I am not really sure why I am here on tinder) and that is when you get the age old response of…… Yeah same, here to meet nice people and have some fun (insert ambiguous sexting emoji). Yep, stage 3 has an error. This will then cause me to text all my pals and say ‘It’s happened again, I am deleting the app forever, I want to meet someone organically’ they nod along knowing I will re-download it in approx 2 days after sitting in a coffee shop awaiting Mr Right to walk through the door and fall in love with me. Then the process starts again.

So anyway, most of the people I have gone on dates with I have met organically, it is much nicer, far less pressure and concern of them thinking you are not as attractive as your very finely picked, shit hot tinder pics. The dates I have been on in my time have been… ok, I mean I am still single so they haven’t been great. My biggest problem, I turn all alpha male with my banter, start insulting them, am cold and just generally awkward. Cute and flirtatious I know, how am I single?

But dating is scary as shit for me. I have pals who go out on dates on the regs are so cool about it, they love it, meeting new people, learning about them and that’s that. I however, go a bit weird let my anxiety take over and will solidly panic for like 3 days before wondering if they will be super cool and fun or someone who has no similar interests and we will sit silently for the duration. When in fact I should just calm the fuck down and just go and enjoy myself and not worry about silly little things like; awkward hugs, going to sit down on the same chair and me sitting on him accidentally, resulting in me having to move to the other side of the world to avoid embarrassment, or something like him turning out to be like Joe from You and me having to fake my own death to avoid his avid stalking… yano casual stuff.

Dating in your twenties however, is fun and a great way to meet new people and learn about yourself and what you want in a future partner. Even though I am a disaster dater with my awkwardness, I am glad I have gone on the dates I have. I feel like I come out learning something about myself every time. As time goes on I am sure I will let my little aggressive barrier down and be a less heightened ‘banter fuelled’ person and be more successful but for now I am happy with what I have learnt from dating.

My new motto is to just go and enjoy dating, I am in my twenties, this is a great time to date and figure out what you want and enjoy yourself while doing it.

But also, if your not going on dates that is cool to – a gr8 person to date is yourself. Treat yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself.

There was SO much more I could have written on this topic but I did not want to write a novel. Perhaps I will write a dating in your twenties part 2 another time. So for now does anybody have any dating disasters or success stories they want to share?

Read my other ‘dating’ related posts by following the links below:
Being Ghosted: https://lifeofa20somethingyearold.home.blog/2019/09/15/being-ghosted/
Being single in your twenties:
https://lifeofa20somethingyearold.home.blog/2019/07/26/being-single-in-your-twenties/

L x

Being ghosted

Being ghosted

by L ♥ 27 Comments

Ahhh delightful subject. I never really was a fan of Casper the friendly ghost and I am not too keen on (insert name of choice) the unfriendly ghoster either. Now this is not specific to being a twenty something year old. We have all experienced being ghosted at some stage of our lives. If you haven’t then tell me your secret plz.

Ghosting (def): the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Ok, so I am not sure when ghosting became a ‘thing’ but it seems to happen more and more now days. Perhaps because it is so easy to do with all these dating apps and social media. You can quite simply just disappear now with no explanation.

I think ghosting can only be considered ghosting if you have met the person, or have/had a bond with said person. Someone not replying to your witty tinder one liner does not quite count as ghosting. Even if it is a dent to the comedian inside of your ego.

It is one of the worst feelings, I have been ghosted a few times and it hurts in a different kind of way. It leaves you questioning EVERYTHING. Asking yourself so many questions. Why did they do that? Was it something I did? Was I just not good enough? Did I mean that little to them? So many things fly through your mind. I want to touch upon the ‘did I mean that little to them’ one. As this is one that I always think about. To not even be given an explanation as to why they want to stop talking or end things is so belittling. It makes you think omg why have I put so much energy into this person, who cannot even be bothered to let me know things are done and tell me why.

But heres the reality and here is a pre warning: I am about to get a lil sassy...

These ‘ghosts’ are just cowards, they do not have the courage to give a simple explanation as to why they want to call things off. They decide that it is far easier to just disappear, not even giving second thought to your feelings. Extremely cowardly and selfish behaviour. Let’s be real, would we want someone with those traits in our lives anyway? HELL NO!

Enough about them and more about us. We must accept that it happened, we live and we learn (then write a blog post about it). It is easy to sit and think ‘what did I do wrong’ but let’s get real. It is nothing to do with us and all to do with the other person (unless of course you ran their dog over or something then I guess you kinda deserve the ghosting). But the key here is to just think it is a lucky escape and you will find someone SO much better than that. You are a sassy, strong person who has no time for this kind of stuff.

Sometimes we have to just give ourselves closure when the other person fails to do so. It is tough but it happens, take some time to yourself and just remember YOU are worth more and it was probably nothing you did. Best thing to do is just avoid avidly insta stalking, delete all messsages from them and good god if they slither back into your DM’s then IGNORE. (Unless of course they have a fab excuse for ghosting.)

Fab excuses:

  • They were busy ending world hunger
  • They were clearing ALL the plastic from the ocean
  • They were out feeding all the stray dogs and cats
  • They were lost on a desert island with no phone (still could send a message in a bottle though)

Yano something along those lines…

Better people are coming, be patient my friends.

L x

The types of friends you have in your twenties

The types of friends you have in your twenties

by L ♥ 1 Comment

Friends are so important in your twenties, they are in all ages but especially in your twenties. You are all getting sea sick in the same rocky boat we call life! You are all trying to navigate to that lovely island called ‘I am smashing adulthood’. But you get pretty lost along the way but it is ok because you have your pals with you to help out, you are all in the same metaphoric boat after all. You come across a lot of pals in your 20’s that all play important parts in these testing but horrendously fun and messy years. So here is a list of the type of friends you meet in your twenties:

  • The party friend: This friend is great to have around in your twenties and always matches your wild dance moves and desire to down multiple shots when you really don’t need anymore. This person is down for deep and meaningful chats in the smoking area about the boys you fancied 10 years ago then once you have finished your pointless rant will drag you back to the dancefloor to dance to come on Eileen. These are the friends that can turn a bad day into a fantastic, new, spontaneous memory within hours! They are absolutely vital and are the most fun ever. Nobody ever knows what mischief might occur with this friend. Did someone say spoons?
  • The MUM friend: This friend is not actually a mum but might as well be your adopted social mum. They are your go to for advice on life and always seem to know the right thing to say. They are also in their twenties but have a magical power of having their shit together?! They always know the right thing to do and are always there at your beckon call to help you decide massive things such as; What colour to paint your nails?! They also are great to have on a night out: they keep everyone together, ensure all drunken disputes are solved, makes sure everyone has their ID, card and dignity in tact in the taxi back. Guardian angels are these friends, absolute gals.
  • The go-months-without-seeing-but-are-still-close-as-ever friend: Now this pal is a special kind of pal. I like to call these friendships ‘grown up’ as we get we’re both busy independent working ladies that have no time to constantly text. So therefore months will go by without a word from either end until one day you get a random meme or old photo from each other and BAM the catch up commences. The catch up never acknowledges how long it has been since the last conversation though, GOOD GOD NO, that would be absurd. You just enjoy the fact that nothing has changed and you still have such a lovely friendship with this person. It also makes the catch ups amazing and FULL of tea as it’s months worth of life goss!
  • The work friend: This one is a good egg. You see them everyday at both your fave places… work! (Detect the sarcasm.) Now this friend, man this friend is the one that you can sit with and moan for hours, except you never have that long as lunch breaks only seem to last 5 seconds before you must go back. This person you don’t see socially nearly as much as your other friends. But in those short times at work that you do see each other you seem to; exchange vital gossip, share your deepest secrets, catch up, discuss the thought process behind your lunch and solve all of lifes qualms together. And of course they are someone who can relate to all your work related dramz and stresses.
  • The Social Media friend: This is an easy one, these are people that you do not actually speak to in person but have an unspoken rule of being loyal likers on each others posts. These people are likely to be friends of friends, drunken besties made in the toilets years ago or just random people. Either way you will never be going for coffee with them but appreciate their loyalty to your social media.
  • The adult friend: This one may sound like the MUM friend but they are very different. The adult friend is the one with their shit together for real, they may be older or the same age. But these people have their own houses, some have children and some are married. Pretty grown up stuff, you like to look at their life in awe of how they have their stuff together. You enjoy sophisticated evenings with them discussing real life issues while eating cheese and olives feeling a little like an imposter. You feel dare I say… ‘grown up’ around them. They give you a bit of a reality check. They are amazing friends to you though and help guide you and always have amazing advice. These ones are golden.
  • The questionable-life-choices friend: This one, ahhh this one gives you stress. You love them for their crazy decisions and you can always count on them for some serious tea to be spilt in catch ups. But, they give you anxiety over their choices sometimes. However, they are also pretty good for making you feel a bit better about your own poor decisions because they have either done it before OR have done something way worse. You want to wrap this one in bubble wrap but alas instead you must just give them advice and hope they take it. Now these friends are amazing to confide in as it is always a non judgment zone and they can often relate to your own choices and know just how to cheer you up. They are worth the stress!
  • The Rock friend: Now I don’t mean the Rock as in Dwayne the Rock Johnson, although I wish he was a pal you meet in your twenties. No, this person/people they are true golden eggs, the best of the best. These are the ones that are there for you always, they have your back and are loyal to you no matter what. They are the kind of friend that you can just be in a room with on a bad day not talking and feel better for just being in their company. They have been by your side through some of the hardest times in your life. You take comfort in knowing that this/these friends will be there to help you fight whatever comes your way. The rock friend makes you feel like you are never alone and never have to face anything alone. I could go on and on but these ones, these are the best ones.

So which friend are you? Tag your friends and see if you guess the same!
Twitter: 20something_l
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